When do the Olympics start?

"Can you believe we actually had to play these guys?"

“Can you believe we actually had to play these guys?”

In their final warmup game before the Olympics officially begin, the United States of America easily dispatched by a score of 7-1 an Albuquerque, New Mexico, high school junior varsity team that was chosen at random to play against some of the greatest talent in the wo…

What’s that? This was an Olympic game? Okay, well anyway, this was an Olympic game so it’s nice to see the Americans pad their goal differential against anyone, even if the opponents in question were a bunch of malnourished childr…

When you say, “This score came against a team with actual NHL players on it,” what do you mean by that? Chara? ZDENO Chara? Well that just seems like it can’t be right. Teams with Zdeno Chara on them don’t give up seven goals, I don’t care who else is on the rost…

Well no, you have to be wrong about that; how is Branko Radivojevic still alive? And what are you talking about when you say they only gave Chara 18 minutes? These are things that cannot possibly be true. You know what, buddy, I’m going to go check the box score and show y…

Oh my god you’re right. Well anyway the U.S. got two goals from Paul Stastny, and one each from John Carlson, Ryan Kesler, David Backes, Phil Kessel, and Dustin Brown. Jonathan Quick sleepwalked his way to 22 saves on 23 shots. This doesn’t feel as fun as it should.

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