USA Proves All Haters Are Babies With Cakewalk to Expected Gold

Those are gold medals.

Those are gold medals.

Team USA proved all non-Americans wrong yet again by clobbering Team Sweden as if they were efficiently packaged cardboard products.┬áLed by Rocco Grimaldi the US hung a three spot on Jonas Gustavsson or whoever to claim what is rightfully America’s: the Gold medal.

We’d like to spend the rest of this recap talking about our place in the hockey world. Lambert and I came here with only the best intentions; to give all of you hockey fans the inside scoop on what hockey is and who would do well in this short tournament.

We didn’t charge anyone for our valuable insight, we simply passed along the facts to anyone with a working internet connection and electricity, and we even printed out some pages in really big font so that Canadians could read too.

For that we were called “homers,” our 100% factual articles were called “jingoistic trash.” Canadians with access to a telegraph and US sympathizers called us “trolls” on Twitter.

Time to admit it: we’re not trolls or looking to get a rise out of anyone. We’re just a couple of proud patriots who can put aside their biases to give you all the inside scoop: that America is the best and everyone else sucks.

8 thoughts on “USA Proves All Haters Are Babies With Cakewalk to Expected Gold

  1. “and we even printed out some pages in really big font so that Canadians could read too.”
    HA! Awesome. Good stuff, boys. Lets enjoy this! #AMERICA #GOLD

  2. “He also said the states most affected are homes to retirees who live on fixed incomes and may struggle often to pay some bills, especially medical bills The training routine also needs to take in account the development of muscle in strategic places which is first accomplished in the foundation phase”Sources for this article include:Please enable JavaScript to view theIve found another great reason for indulging myself with great??products(NaturalNews) Two alternative media outlets are working

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