How to make watching Canada games fun

We here at the Sleeping Giant know that the first and most important thing you care about when it comes to the annual IIHF World Junior Championship tournament is seeing the great and powerful United States rumble over all its helpless foes like a Sherman tank. And who, really, can blame you?

But it is important to heed the words of the ancient Chinese general Sun Tzu, who once said, “Know thy enemy as thyself.” And thus, we encourage you all to watch as many other games as you can, including those featuring the pathetic Canadian team. It’s not easy, and often a viewing of the final minutes of The Human Centipede is more visually and aurally pleasant, but it remains nonetheless important.

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Canadian propaganda reaches unintentionally hilarious levels

Mark Scheifele in his natural habitat: Parallel to the ice

Mark Scheifele in his natural habitat: Parallel to the ice

Remember that game against Slovakia wherein Mark Scheifele and other Canadian players dove all over the ice and eventually drew enough penalties to save face in a 6-3 win during which two of its players were kicked out of the game for dirty, illegal hits? Sure you do.

The diving throughout the game was so evident, so obvious even to an idiot, that disgusting Canada homer Ray Ferraro could come up with no better defense for its continued use by his cowardly home country than to praise it as “heady” because the refs were calling it. Of course, had it gone the other way, and the Slovaks were the ones doing it, we would have heard all about how dishonorable and disgusting these soft European pukes were, and how Good Canadian Boys would never stoop to such a level.

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