Eight-nein

The rare German save in its unnatural habitat.

The rare German save in its unnatural habitat.

There’s not a whole lot to say about a game that the scoreline doesn’t scream already. This game was 8-0 and it could have been worse. Period.

Germany gave the Americans 11 power plays, including a pair of what would have been full two-minute 5-on-3s but for the fact that the US scored on both of them, and a five-minute major. So yes, the US had six power play goals and just two at even strength, but what were they supposed to do? Not score? That’s not The American Way. It seems that with the mighty US of A having now scored 11 power play goals on 19 chances (57.9 percent) in three games, the only advice we can give is never take penalties or you will go home crying.

It also helps if you dress a goalie who’s taller than a toddler, but apparently

Top of the group, with breezy wins coming from everyone against whom the so-called vaunted Canadians have struggled. A goal differential of plus-7 at even strength, and plus-15 overall.

This was a massacre. There’s nothing funny to say. Oh boy Canada’s next. Maybe they’ll get up for this one and keep it close. But we’re not counting on it. Make up a sausage joke or something if you want but we’re just kind of sad and bored with the goings-on in Malmö at this point.

USA wins, Canada loses, Earth spins on its axis

Not pictured: A DAZZLING GOAL!!!!

If you hadn’t yet taken the time to set your watch to America winning every one of its World Junior games with hilarious ease, now might be the time to do it.

As any reasonable non-Canadian (sorry to be redundant) could have told you before the game began, The Red, White, and Blue took down Sweden on the road in its first warmups for a gold-medal strut in UFA beginning a week from today. Goals from true patriots and great heroes Connor Murphy, Ryan Hartman and Shaye Gostisbehere set the stage for the win, as did the high-quality goaltending of Garret Sparks and Jon Gillies, the latter of whom got the win in making 18 saves on 19 shots.

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