That sound you heard tonight was not, in fact, the largest earthquake ever recorded by man, but rather the United States U20 hockey team putting its foot down and saying enough was enough.
It had been largely criticized for its largess in allowing Finland to only lose in overtime, and having heard just about enough talk from the Canadian media about how this USA team wasn’t “for real” and that the Great White North’s shabby collection of highly-touted prospects was enough to roll over any number of countries, America included, these great patriots clearly decided that this was the end of that talk.
Surely, because of this country’s overwhelming beneficence, it was greatly saddened by the fact that it had to make an example of Slovakia, a country of roughly 140 people, none of whom are male. But an example was necessitated by the general chuckling-up-their-sleeve of the Toronto-based, heavily-biased media. And by that, of course, we mean Pierre McGuire and the rest of the sycophantic dolts on TSN.
So yes, the US poured 57 shots at the Slovak net, but what were they supposed to do? They had been victimized by an early headshot perpetrated by the cowardly Peter Hrasko, whom we have reason to believe is a Canadian double agent (certainly, he’s bad enough at hockey to pass for a Quebecois nobody). Their hands were forced.
Frankly, 6-1 with goals from a slew of players including Kyle Palmieri, who had two goals and a helper, was a bit kind to a rather poor team, but again, the American spirit of generosity cannot be underestimated. That these particular Euro straphangers had to be victimized was unfortunate happenstance. That Jack Campbell literally slept through the first period a showcasing of the American talent to which we’ve grown accustomed (and he still made a save).
And keep in mind that this 57-18 shot differential and wholesale bloodbath all happened without the aid of two good, strong American boys, who were given the night off to pursue leisure activities of their choosing.
There are now four games remaining in America’s run to their third gold medal. All that dared oppose them have been swept aside with shocking ease and bravado.
Believe us when we tell you that you don’t want to be next.