Eight-nein

The rare German save in its unnatural habitat.

The rare German save in its unnatural habitat.

There’s not a whole lot to say about a game that the scoreline doesn’t scream already. This game was 8-0 and it could have been worse. Period.

Germany gave the Americans 11 power plays, including a pair of what would have been full two-minute 5-on-3s but for the fact that the US scored on both of them, and a five-minute major. So yes, the US had six power play goals and just two at even strength, but what were they supposed to do? Not score? That’s not The American Way. It seems that with the mighty US of A having now scored 11 power play goals on 19 chances (57.9 percent) in three games, the only advice we can give is never take penalties or you will go home crying.

It also helps if you dress a goalie who’s taller than a toddler, but apparently

Top of the group, with breezy wins coming from everyone against whom the so-called vaunted Canadians have struggled. A goal differential of plus-7 at even strength, and plus-15 overall.

This was a massacre. There’s nothing funny to say. Oh boy Canada’s next. Maybe they’ll get up for this one and keep it close. But we’re not counting on it. Make up a sausage joke or something if you want but we’re just kind of sad and bored with the goings-on in Malmö at this point.

USA Predictably Beats Germany

Patriotic Patriots Doing Patriotic Things

Patriotic Patriots Doing Patriotic Things

Not even sure why we’re writing this up; the US beat Germany 8-0 despite Johnny Gibson coming out after the second period and Alex Galchenyuk’s line spending the third period playing Xbox behind the bench.

John Gibson likely used his time playing Germany to adjust to the time difference in Ufa by taking a nap while his teammates filled the net. Milwaukee’s own Alex Galchenyuk gave us this embarassingly easy (for him) goal and was kind enough to line it up perfectly with the camera man to show the whole world how it’s done:

It may be worth noting that Canada allowed this squad of foreigners with odd names with smiley faces in the middle to score THREE TIMES on them. Contrary to the Canadian Propaganda that they softened the Germans up it’s clear that the German team was encouraged by their favorable result against Canada (only a minus six) before running into the unending destruction known as Team USA.

Sleeping Giant’s Three Stars

1. Team USA

2. Team USA

3. Team USA