Despite the festive feeling in the air it’s a dangerous world out there. The last week of December sees insidious Canadian jingoism rise 4,000% led by TSN’s goon squad. Our neighbors to the North want nothing more than to steal our good looks, warm weather, sunlight and high adult literacy rate.

It shouldn’t surprise you then that up North they’re occupying themselves idolizing every 13 year old half-talent they can get their hands on. American spies gave their lives to acquire this video, and were likely tortured to death by being forced to watch Little Mosque on the Prairie while being fed only Canada’s idea of Mexican food:

Laugh it up Canada. We hear Charlie Coyle only left Boston University for the QMJHL to learn your customs, to blend in before delivering the final strike.