Canada’s Team So Bad They’ve Been Forced to Turn to Cut Rate Fluff Pieces

panzersdown

While reading this post on Canada’s not at all humiliating loss to a team their erudite fans referred to as “the Dominican Republic or somebody” shortly before losing I thought to myself “this Eastern European guy did a decent job translating his work to English”.

Indeed, the last time any nation with “Czech” in the name that beat Canada at the U20s was January 4, 1993, when the Czech/Slovak Republic won, 7-4.

That sentence is as poorly constructed as Canada’s goaltending program. Fortunately for this site and our sense of smug superiority the author goes on to describe the USA game:

U.S. powers past Germany 8-0. Losers dress just 17 skaters.

That’s a better start, though calling Germany “losers” is a lot like pointing out that most Canadians haven’t seen the sun in three weeks: it’s true but hardly needed to be pointed out. (Those “losers” scored against Canada for the record).

He continues:

The win was aided in part by Germany’s ability to dress only 17 skaters as three regulars were injured and unable to play.

Ah yes, certainly the US was greatly aided by the fact that some of the powerhouse Germans didn’t suit up. Might have been a close game if those three guys had been on the bench.

So where is our mystery author from? You guessed it. We at the Sleeping Giant look forward to more thinly disguised pro-Canadian propaganda as part of the vast anti-American conspiracy we’ve exposed to you for years.

Welcome to America: Sidney Crosby Plays Dek Hockey

Proud Americans

Proud Americans

Puck Daddy’s proud American editorial staff unearthed this telling story about American hockey dominance:

Such was the scene at Dek Star last weekend, as [Sidney Crosby] strapped on the goalie gear and played for a ball hockey team in a 26-and-over league — unannounced and completely anonymous to his foes until his identity was revealed later in the game.

Save your fork, there’s pie:

“He did play the ball a lot behind the net and stuff like that. I think that’s because he was bored because his team was dominating, ha ha. Legitimately, we may have had 1 or 2 shots.

That’s right: a sleepy team of Western PA dek hockey players took one look at Canada’s best hockey player and agreed immediately – he’d have to play goalie so they could shelter him.

We here at the Sleeping Giant are disappointed that these so called Americans chose to share their game with a Canadian, but at least it was only dek hockey. It would have been an awkward conversation if someone had to explain to Mr. Crosby that he’d mess up the chemistry on the bench or ruin everyone’s good mojo if he were allowed to play on the ice.