Canadian propaganda reaches unintentionally hilarious levels

Mark Scheifele in his natural habitat: Parallel to the ice

Mark Scheifele in his natural habitat: Parallel to the ice

Remember that game against Slovakia wherein Mark Scheifele and other Canadian players dove all over the ice and eventually drew enough penalties to save face in a 6-3 win during which two of its players were kicked out of the game for dirty, illegal hits? Sure you do.

The diving throughout the game was so evident, so obvious even to an idiot, that disgusting Canada homer Ray Ferraro could come up with no better defense for its continued use by his cowardly home country than to praise it as “heady” because the refs were calling it. Of course, had it gone the other way, and the Slovaks were the ones doing it, we would have heard all about how dishonorable and disgusting these soft European pukes were, and how Good Canadian Boys would never stoop to such a level.

Continue reading

Lunchpail Canadian Team Reduced to Celebrity RT Begging

"Oh you fancy, huh?"

“Oh you fancy, huh?”

Today Nathan Mackinnon, who will be immediately blamed by Canadians for not being Sidney Crosby, tweeted at the only artist available on Canadian radio due to CRTC regulation:

This is a terrifying development for any God fearing peace loving American: it would seem that Canadians have learned to read and will shortly be joining social media to bleat about 2009 when they last managed to win a tournament invented largely to convince Canada they’re good at something.

Master Mackinnon here makes an interesting choice reaching out to one Aubrey “Drake” Graham. Drake, aka. Drizzy aka “Can’t tell this guy apart from Lil’ Wayne”, like most Canadians spends his time looking South to America and asking himself “how can I be like them?”

NHLers are clearly excited by Mr. Graham's appearance. "Fist bump? Hand shake?"

NHLers are clearly excited by Mr. Graham’s appearance. “Fist bump? Hand shake?”

The tweet has been RTed by every literate Canadian so far except Mr. Graham and is closing in on 70 RTs as we hit publish. Hopefully Nathan Mackinnon gets his wish for a Drake RT on his birthday or if the unthinkable happens and his cat Mr. Mittens gets sick.

In the meantime both Drake albums will be played in full on all Canadian radio stations at their usual times tonight in order to meet Canadian programming quotas. Take Care if you live near the border, and feel free to Thank Me Later.