Giuseppe Rossi Reduced to Crying Into Breakfast Pasta

Clint Dempsey showed the Italians a thing or two about soccer, aka American Football Jr., today. Personally I hope Giuseppe Rossi, proof that America should saw New Jersey off and let it drift into the ocean, enjoyed watching the team he wasn’t smart enough to play for dust the Italians at home.

“But Italy is rebuilding!” cried out people on Twitter whose grandparents booked it from Italy because it’s a lousy place to live. Rebuilding how? If they lose to a bunch of other teams does Lionel Messi have to fuck an Italian woman first overall in the International Soccer Baby Draft?